Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize