No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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