maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
