I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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