My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
