I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
