I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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