sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
