**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
