So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
