I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
