I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
