just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
