he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
