ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
