if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
