she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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