Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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