Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
