Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
