Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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