I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
