and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize