the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
