I cockslap morals
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
