Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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