Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your penis caused this!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
