i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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