The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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