Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
