i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
