my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
BRING THE BAGELS
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
