i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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