6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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