Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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