i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
