You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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