I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
