Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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