glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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