he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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