I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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