A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
