I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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