I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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