guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
