he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
