My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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