Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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