like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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