JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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