she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
