1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
