i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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