the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
