I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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