Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
