How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
