were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
