Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
