you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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