So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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