And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
