took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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