i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
