I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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