you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
