So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
