i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
