she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize