That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
