I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
