i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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