so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
